The Golden Mean

Studies have shown that over-indulged children have trouble relinquishing their position as the centre of attention, have trouble becoming competent in everyday self-care skills, and have trouble taking responsibility.(1) Furthermore, these over-indulged infants are more materialistic and at greater risk of depression.(2)

But are adults now any better? Are we capable of waiting for things or do we need them instantly? I'm too lazy to argue extensively or convincingly here, so here's my rash assertion: adults at large have now ceased to progress from these over-indulged, infantile babblers and remain trapped in this state of whiny gratification-seeking neediness.

Instead of blindly embarking on this hellish downward spiral (which I am too lazy to detail right now), I offer here some cheap arguments expounding the virtue of self-reliance and self-discipline. Again, the link comes from childhood. Neuroscientist Sam Wang argues that self-disciplined toddlers are more likely to grow into persistent, positive, healthy and satisfied adults.(3) And that's what every adult surely secretly craves: the discipline and self-confidence which arises from being in control of one's feelings and not wallowing. Not in a repressive sense by any means, but simply in a way which prevents us being crippled by reprehensible, criminally-selfish self-pity.

The problem is that the most immediate cultural images of the proponents of combating over-indulgence are those distant, tough-love fathers usually portrayed on television and film as emotionally-repressed, stunted beer drinkers with little regard for the vital need to vent and express oneself, and an inability to look at their children whilst they explain to them why they consistently tell them to manthefuckup. This stereotype damages the importance of the role that tough love has to play in our development.

To prevent this sullying of tough love, whilst practising our self-reliant self-discipline we must also be studiously compassionate to counterbalance the potential isolating individualism of my proposed philosophy. It's a heavy request, and not one certain of success by any stretch, but I am sufficiently optimistic to hope we are capable of differentiating between those who need help and those who actually require the tough love of a benevolent friend or guardian.

As a safeguard, our first priority should always be compassion, but, in close second must be the desire for dignity and self-reliance. The benefits of encouraging self-discipline and responsibility can never be overstated. We can move from the straw strength of a generation raised with a high-altitude emotional safety net and move towards independence and dignity, ensuring always the primacy of compassion, tolerance and warmth.

Now do it.

"I've made such stronger bonds with the people around me since I emptied out all the ugliness in my head."

- Dave McPherson, Obsession is a Young Man's Game

"Sources"

(1) http://www.counseling.org/Resources/Library/VISTAS/vistas05/Vistas05.art18.pdf
(2) http://www.overindulgence.info/Documents/Study%206%20Childhood%20OI%20and%20Life%20Aspiration%20Prelim%20Report.pdf
(3)http://bigthink.com/ideas/40003

Mark Twain: The Ugly Years

I've written before about the delights of Mark Twain in his latter, misanthropic years. But now I've been studying him in a little more detail, reading a rather good biography by Ron Powers - Mark Twain: A Life. Unfortunately, as with all of one's heroes, studying Twain reveals his ugly side, his human flaws and weaknesses, which shatter the illusion that I've had of him as a faultless machine of pure satirical incision.

For example, in his early 30s, Twain became engaged to his first wife, Olivia Langdon. And he fell in love in the most clichéd and humiliating way that anyone can fall in love, complete with the worst and most offensive love-letters ever crafted, their appalling nature magnified when contrasted with his otherwise sterling verbal and written performances at the time.

Here are a few excerpts:

"Livy, Livy, Livy darling, it is such a happiness, such a pleasure, such a luxury, to write you, that I don't know when to stop."

"P.S. -- I do LOVE you, Livy!
~
P.P.P.S. -- I do love, LOVE, LOVE you, Livy, darling.
~
P.P.P.P.P.S. -- I do love you, Livy!"

"You are so pure, so great, so good, so beautiful. How can I help loving you? ... [H]ow can I keep from worshipping you, you dear little paragon?"

"I send a thousand kisses -- pray send me some."

And so on, and so forth.

Now, I value historical accuracy as much as the next graduate, but I can't help but think that Powers has done Twain a great disservice by faithfully reproducing these inane scribbles. In a new edition, perhaps he would consider striking out all references to love and replacing them with filth and bile. Mark "the truth is the most valuable thing we have, so I try to conserve it" Twain would, I'm sure, approve.

Right now, I eagerly anticipate the time, in a few years, when multiple members of his family will start perishing so that he might unlock the genius of his latter years. No one writes their best work when they're happy and complacent.

Dr. Greg's Sure Cure for the Blues

• Routine, and lots of it.
• Getting up early, so the day is never wasted.
• Regular exercise.
• Regular, healthy diet.
• At least 4-5 cups of tea a day.
• Classic novels / films.
• A love of comedy in every facet of life, no matter how irrelevant or irreverent.
• Pig-headed arrogance.