We're just no better

No, I wouldn’t steal a car. No, I guess I wouldn’t steal a handbag. No, I don’t think I’d steal a television or a DVD. I wonder where you’re goin- Ah! I see. Well, when I answered your original formulation of the questions, Mr. Piracy Man, I wasn’t really aware that you were going to be drawing a heinously false analogy. In order to make the argument follow you have to make me accept that stealing a car, handbag, television or physical DVD is just the same as downloading a film; which it isn’t. Here’s how to improve your argument:

You wouldn’t steal a car, assuming that that car in question was a replica of a car that someone had bought legally. They had built that replica (somehow) using their own equipment, copying the original car. Now apply that to handbag, DVD etc. If you answer “no” to all these questions now, then quit downloading Marley & Me (the dog dies by the way, but not before you realise that Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston are so rubbish at acting that they can be upstaged by a fucking dog) and continue with your life, safe in the knowledge that downloading is, by your own standard, a crime.

But what if you were to say ‘yes’? If your friend had built a replica of a car and put up a sign saying ‘PLEASE TAKE THIS CAR’ then most people probably would take it and this clearly wouldn’t be termed as stealing.

Is that different? The only conceivable difference is that you may not know the person whom you are downloading and this is different to them being your friend. However, we’re only six degrees of separation from anyone in the world, and I can maintain a relationship with friends of friends. Not only this, but the enemy of my enemy is my friend, which frankly makes me a lot of friends (including some enemies). So it’s conceivable that anyone in internet land could be termed by friend

But this is beside the point.

The point is go outside.