Traditionally the time for short-term resolution and determination, the new year buzz is an easy target for a degraded cynic. There's fat people pretending they'll lose weight, skinny celebrities pretending they'll gain it, and all manner of exciting physical and mental challenges set by people drunk on the excesses of the festive season.
But, as much as I love an easy target which reduces the need to fully exercise my brain or acerbic facetiousness, it must be considered at least somewhat admirable that people acknowledge an area in themselves that they wish to change and thus resolve to change it. Certainly it's more worthy than the complacency which allows the person completely devoid of self-criticism to sustain themselves.
So, where do I go from here, having acknowledged that self-improvement isn't necessarily worthy of disdain? I go to the next easy target I can find - the emotionally frail and easily suggestible.
I recently read this blog post - 30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself (opens in new window) - and unlike anything I've ever written, it appears to be uplifting and popular. Although published in early December, it's exactly the sort of the post-Christmas platitudinous tough love that we all crave - a handy list of the most essential self-improvements.
The problem with it, and similar lists, is that its resolutions are impractical, unmeasurable, facile and occasionally downright wrong:
Here a few examples:
3 - Stop Lying To Yourself
5 - Stop Trying To Be Someone You're Not
These two fall under the facile category because they fundamentally misunderstand basic human nature, which consists very significantly and vitally of self-delusion. People need to be shielded from themselves because it's a way of protecting their mental state from the harsh reality of the mess they really are. Number 3's paragraph actually says that the one person you can't lie to is yourself, which is patently bullshit. Confabulation is a recognised trait that everyone displays, for example when creating fictional narratives to explain actions they've taken or trying to explain the origin of emotional states that the person is completely clueless about.
No. 5 undermines the rest of the list because you'd have to be someone you're not in order to make changes to yourself. If I want to "stop being ungrateful" (no. 30), I have to act like a more grateful person, repressing the feelings of ungratefulness that are my more natural state, and forcibly change myself, suppressing the person I truly am.
20 - Stop Wasting Time Explaining Yourself To Others
28 - Stop Trying To Be Everything To Everyone
The first one here is both vague and dangerous. Down the path of refusing to explain yourself lies arrogance and a refusal to confront one's own shortcomings. Its failure is compounded by the accompanying sentence: "Just do what you know in your heart is right." How could the author think that encouraging gullible and hapless followers to think "I don't have to explain myself to you. I know in my heart that what I did was right" could ever be a healthy way for people to progress? I'm not sure what the second one even means. Is it a command for people to be more selfish? Less changeable? More apathetic? Perhaps I'm an exceptionally selfish person, but to how many people does no. 28 even apply?
19 - Stop Letting Others Bring You Down To Their Level
Ah, vague and sort-of hard to disagree with. Platitudinous bliss. How many people who are routinely brought down to others' levels (however that's assessed) only do so because they haven't realised that it's probably not a good thing? Will someone read this and say "Hmm... ordinarily I'd feel comfortable degrading myself and lowering myself to the same level as 'others', but now this short sentence has directed me down a new path"? There's no accompanying practical explanation, just a second sentence restating the first in different words.
I won't go on, because this post is already so long that no one will read it, or even credibly suggest they have read it. I could write anything here and it'll never be read. So, down here, after everyone's lost interest, I'm going to bury the bit where I agree with the list:
17 - Stop Complaining And Feeling Sorry For Yourself
26 - Stop Blaming Others For Your Troubles
Although, as before, these two are inadequately explained, they are useful if followed. So, how does one follow them properly? I've no idea, but then I'm not claiming to offer "PRACTICAL TIPS FOR PRODUCTIVE LIVING" as the author of "30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself" is. My own modest contribution is to argue that one of the first steps towards any self-improvement is to acknowledge that one is the main agent for change in one's life and thus to take responsibility for yourself (no. 26). That's not to say that you shouldn't feel angry and resentful towards the people who've helped cause your troubles (and who would argue that it's possible to repress those feelings anyway?). But anyway, such a nuance is impossible when one glibly makes a list of short commands all beginning with "Stop".
Regarding no. 17, I would agree that self-pitying is damaging. I would argue this because it stops people from progressing practically or emotionally. It's so easily written and so much harder to achieve. But that's because you can't read a short list of desirable areas of self-improvement and expect to actually achieve anything by doing so. To quote Lisa Simpson (which is how all powerful paragraph-ending sentences start), "Self-improvement can be achieved but not with a quick fix. It's a long, arduous journey of personal... discovery."
As I stroll into the grey areas of hypocrisy, I'm rather disgusted at my own glibness here. I've tentatively agreed with 2 of the author's points and have written two medium-length paragraphs about why and I still feel as though this has been very inadequately explained or explored. I've no idea how the original author can reel off 30 sentences and expect them to be read as "practical" self-help. But then many people have commented positively on what he's written, so what the fuck do I know?
Showing posts with label blogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogs. Show all posts
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Monday, 1 August 2011
Rules of the (trashy) Blog
I read a lot of trashy blogs. Personal blogs of people with issues. I only read them if they're well-written, so the people who write them are obviously clever people. However, when reading them, they still feel like the equivalent of watching Jeremy Kyle in trackies - low-brow, guilty voyeurism.
I'm now going to attempt to legitimise my indulgence of these blogs by pretending I've been intensely analysing them. To that end (and avoiding any observations which might identify the blogs or their writers), I've compiled a short list of the rules a person must follow in order to create a successful trashy, personal blog.
The Good
Use of culture and current issues
Like I said previously, these bloggers appear to be of a high intellectual calibre. The successful blog will demonstrate knowledge of literature, political debates or philosophy, and often frame their otherwise self-centred musings within more globally-relevant considerations.
The Bad
Constantly relating oneself to popular fiction characters
This is a tricky one. It's usually true, because popular fiction writers (of whatever medium) get to where they are by being able to encapsulate recognisable personalities. However, when this sometimes-legitimate observation is made too often, because of very slight incidental links, it begins to look a lot like unabashed egotism.
Thinking everyone cares loads about what one has to say
Okay, I'm aware that the ironymeter is creeping up here. The problem is that writing an exclusively personal blog is perhaps unavoidably egotistical. The other problem is that those with any self-awareness are conscious of this fact whilst writing their blog. Thus, they feel the need to half-apologise for their naked self-obsession whilst continuing with it. Some writers adopt a Charlie Brooker-level of self-abuse to negate further criticisms, and some power through with complete disregard for the criticism (after all, if you don't want to read about them, don't read their blog, etc.). But, for most people, the uneasy half-acknowledgement of this conflict is the best they can offer. The successful trashy blogger will apologise semi-frequently for their self-obsession.
Hints of future greatness
This is heavily tied-up with the previous point. "Why should I write a blog? Because one day, I'll be great." (Again, the ironymeter is hovering at "wry smile".) The successful trashy blogger must at all times assume that they're the next Salinger/Plath and that their blog-work documenting their early life is VITAL. One day, hordes of biographers will be scratching around, desperate to gain insight into your genius. "Please tell me she kept a notebook, a diary, anything! Shit! I've found desperatelysmiling.blogspot.com, a record of her pre-fame thoughts and feelings. Now we can give her the understanding and attention she obviously deserves." That's how the story will go. The successful blogger MUST retain this mindset, or risk annihilation.
"Nothing ever works out for me"
Why does the trashy blogger feel the need to blog? Because their life is an unmitigated disaster. Either their life is unfair and nothing goes their way, or they're predisposed to be unsuccessful because they weren't given the gift of commitment and get-up-and-go. Either way, at least documenting their lack of success will help them feel better. Maybe it'll make other like-minded "failures" make sense of their own shortcomings? Maybe the world can at least sympathise that, were things different, the trashy-blogger would be successful. And that's worth something.
The Ugly
Copious amounts of information about one's body
Are you boobs too small? Did the big girls make fun of your hairy forearms? Or, if you're a boy, did the older boys have smoother skin and bigger muscles? The successful trashy-blogger will document all such embarrassments, and post them on the famously-private Internet. Right next to that picture of you, which identifies you as the writer and curator of the blog.
Hating the cool kids whilst aspiring to be one
This is the trashy blog at its most subtle and nuanced. A cursory glance will reveal that there is no way that the trashy-blogger would try and be like them, the arch-nemesis - the boy who called you an ugly "munter" for 3 years at high school, the girl who spread that rumour about you and the caretaker's dog. The "hating" bit is pretty straight-forward. The more elusive "aspiring" part comes from the occasional longing and wistful tone, the self-conscious desire to look as much like them as possible when posing for the photo in the "about me" section, etc. Like the best of David Attenborough, it sometimes requires a lot of patient watching, but the successful trashy blogger will eventually reveal their secret aspirations.
The lack of humour
This is pretty self-explanatory. The trashy-blog isn't here to impress you, it's here to cover you in tar and let you sink into a pit of despair. Clearly, adding humour (or even an attempt at humour) would undermine this effort.
-------
Well, there we go. This has gone some way towards legitimising my observation of numerous versions of the trashy-blog. There's definitely a case for accusing BtM of being partially trashy, but I think I've definitely avoided some of the more egregious rules listed above. But tell me, what do you think? I, like, really care.
I'm now going to attempt to legitimise my indulgence of these blogs by pretending I've been intensely analysing them. To that end (and avoiding any observations which might identify the blogs or their writers), I've compiled a short list of the rules a person must follow in order to create a successful trashy, personal blog.
The Good
Use of culture and current issues
Like I said previously, these bloggers appear to be of a high intellectual calibre. The successful blog will demonstrate knowledge of literature, political debates or philosophy, and often frame their otherwise self-centred musings within more globally-relevant considerations.
The Bad
Constantly relating oneself to popular fiction characters
This is a tricky one. It's usually true, because popular fiction writers (of whatever medium) get to where they are by being able to encapsulate recognisable personalities. However, when this sometimes-legitimate observation is made too often, because of very slight incidental links, it begins to look a lot like unabashed egotism.
Thinking everyone cares loads about what one has to say
Okay, I'm aware that the ironymeter is creeping up here. The problem is that writing an exclusively personal blog is perhaps unavoidably egotistical. The other problem is that those with any self-awareness are conscious of this fact whilst writing their blog. Thus, they feel the need to half-apologise for their naked self-obsession whilst continuing with it. Some writers adopt a Charlie Brooker-level of self-abuse to negate further criticisms, and some power through with complete disregard for the criticism (after all, if you don't want to read about them, don't read their blog, etc.). But, for most people, the uneasy half-acknowledgement of this conflict is the best they can offer. The successful trashy blogger will apologise semi-frequently for their self-obsession.
Hints of future greatness
This is heavily tied-up with the previous point. "Why should I write a blog? Because one day, I'll be great." (Again, the ironymeter is hovering at "wry smile".) The successful trashy blogger must at all times assume that they're the next Salinger/Plath and that their blog-work documenting their early life is VITAL. One day, hordes of biographers will be scratching around, desperate to gain insight into your genius. "Please tell me she kept a notebook, a diary, anything! Shit! I've found desperatelysmiling.blogspot.com, a record of her pre-fame thoughts and feelings. Now we can give her the understanding and attention she obviously deserves." That's how the story will go. The successful blogger MUST retain this mindset, or risk annihilation.
"Nothing ever works out for me"
Why does the trashy blogger feel the need to blog? Because their life is an unmitigated disaster. Either their life is unfair and nothing goes their way, or they're predisposed to be unsuccessful because they weren't given the gift of commitment and get-up-and-go. Either way, at least documenting their lack of success will help them feel better. Maybe it'll make other like-minded "failures" make sense of their own shortcomings? Maybe the world can at least sympathise that, were things different, the trashy-blogger would be successful. And that's worth something.
The Ugly
Copious amounts of information about one's body
Are you boobs too small? Did the big girls make fun of your hairy forearms? Or, if you're a boy, did the older boys have smoother skin and bigger muscles? The successful trashy-blogger will document all such embarrassments, and post them on the famously-private Internet. Right next to that picture of you, which identifies you as the writer and curator of the blog.
Hating the cool kids whilst aspiring to be one
This is the trashy blog at its most subtle and nuanced. A cursory glance will reveal that there is no way that the trashy-blogger would try and be like them, the arch-nemesis - the boy who called you an ugly "munter" for 3 years at high school, the girl who spread that rumour about you and the caretaker's dog. The "hating" bit is pretty straight-forward. The more elusive "aspiring" part comes from the occasional longing and wistful tone, the self-conscious desire to look as much like them as possible when posing for the photo in the "about me" section, etc. Like the best of David Attenborough, it sometimes requires a lot of patient watching, but the successful trashy blogger will eventually reveal their secret aspirations.
The lack of humour
This is pretty self-explanatory. The trashy-blog isn't here to impress you, it's here to cover you in tar and let you sink into a pit of despair. Clearly, adding humour (or even an attempt at humour) would undermine this effort.
-------
Well, there we go. This has gone some way towards legitimising my observation of numerous versions of the trashy-blog. There's definitely a case for accusing BtM of being partially trashy, but I think I've definitely avoided some of the more egregious rules listed above. But tell me, what do you think? I, like, really care.
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